I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
