yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
