woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
