I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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