the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
