Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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