i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
