Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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