I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize