Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
