i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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