So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
