I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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