Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just had sex on a roof
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
