1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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