8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
