Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
