I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
