Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
