I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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