apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
