I wish my penis had an off switch
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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