did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
