Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize