I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
