If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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