I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
