My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize