Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
