How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
