Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
