Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
People in love make me want to vomit
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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