Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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