You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
