I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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