I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
