Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
