his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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