During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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