I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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