She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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