I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
third nipple confirmed
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
