My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sacagawea was the original milf.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
