I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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