shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
