think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
