I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
