i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
