I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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