my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
