i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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