Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
