I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
