She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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