worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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