An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
