just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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