I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
