i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
