im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize