apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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