Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
