We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
