He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
