wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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