oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
